


If You're Not Wearing Nails, You're Not Doing Drag

by dreaminginside



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Crack, Drag Queens, Gen, M/M, That's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 20:14:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3542372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminginside/pseuds/dreaminginside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I need you to find some vodka, actually a lot of vodka, and then I want you to go in there and make sure everyone is painting and not standing around complaining about the lack of alcohol.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You're Not Wearing Nails, You're Not Doing Drag

**Author's Note:**

> This makes no sense at all and is entirely self indulgent and maybe i'll write more if I want because fuck it right this is gonna ruin my writing credibility

Hojoon takes one step into the general dressing room before spinning on heel back out and headed right for Yoonchul.

“Yoonchul, focus,” he says calmly, grabbing at the collar of Yoonchul’s shirt and observing some of the raw fear in his eyes as he adjusts his glasses with his free hand. There are wigs strewn everywhere, and he watches Hyuntae curse and try to properly get a third wig onto the pile of fluffed blonde hair in front of him. He can practically hear Jenissi’s voice echoing in his head _the higher the hair, the closer to god, darling_.

Hojoon begins to think he may have ruined his own show. In retrospect, having a show full of drag queens may not have been the best idea he’s ever had.

“I need you to find some vodka, actually a lot of vodka, and then I want you to go in there and make sure everyone is painting and not standing around complaining about the lack of alcohol.” Hojoon waits for Yoonchul to nod before wiping some of the sweat off his brow and patting him on the cheek. “Now put a smile on that face and get on in there.”

Yoonchul watches the vein in Hojoon’s temple pound as he runs back off to the stacks of clothes to make sure the fittings will be correct, and looks at the door to the dressing room with what he knows is terror. 

Drag queens scare him, and even though he might live with Taeyang, being eye to eye with Jenissi in eight inch heels slightly terrifies him.

“Alright ladies,” he takes a breath before slamming the door open, holding up the plastic bag like a twisted sort of peace offering as a room full of mostly undressed men look up at him at once. “I come bearing vodka and beer, Hojoon says everyone needs to be ready in five hours, please don’t kill me.”

He tries to focus on Taeyang as he says it, noticing the half laced corset around his waist and only one brow drawn on, and thinks that it might have been a good thing that Hojoon didn’t come in here.

“Good thing I brought my own wine then,” Taeyang mumbles, setting about pouring himself a glass from the half empty bottle beneath his station. “We all know I am a good christian woman and if it’s good enough for jesus then it’s good enough for me.”

“Don’t try to act all high and mighty holy girl on me tonight,” Dongsung mutters back, attempting to make his forehead look like less of a monotone billboard with highlights and adjusting the flowing skirt on his hips. “Can you lend me your gluestick, I forgot mine.”

“Why don’t you just put on some glitter,” Taeyang snatches the stick back before Dongsung can grab it, giving the other queen the once over before grinning at the sparkles in Dongsung’s bag. There’s a picture in there signed _Gohn + Jenissi_ with Dongsung’s eyebrows a mess of brown hair and red glitter. “It seemed to work well enough for you before.”

“It was my first time in drag, Jenissi, please let that die,” Dongsung huffs, resuming the contouring on his cheeks in an attempt to soften his self proclaimed rugged good looks. Taeyang usually likes to chime in that Gohn has such a man face in the first place that it doesn’t matter, but Dongsung usually just aims a nice kick to the tuck in her spiked heels.

“No way, I used to do that too,” Sangwon chimes in, and Dongsung tries to ignore the horrifying amount of blush being applied to Sangwon’s cheeks by Sanggyun, who is in a similar state of disarray. He’s honestly too focused on biting his tongue to stop from reading Sangwon for the thick glittery ankle strap of his, and only hopes that Yano has something better lined up for the runway. He can only be thankful she changed her name from Snoopy Swaggy.

“I didn’t because I’ve woken up looking this sickening every morning since I was sixteen,” Hansol bats the triple stacked lashes on his eyes at the group and flicks his gray lace front over his shoulder, though the illusion is somewhat ruined by the blending still needing to be done on his neck. 

“Even the tits?” Byungjoo laughs as he stops glueing the rhinestones on his face so he can poke at Hansol’s breast plate and laugh harder when he answers _yes my dear miss bjoo, even the tits_.

“Tread carefully, Hansol, I have pictures from when you started too,” Taeyang mutters, brandishing the photo from Dongsung’s back even as Dongsung squawks, dropping his contour brush in the process of nearly bowling Taeyang over to get it back. “And don’t think I don’t see you reaching for the black lipstick Xero, put it down, Hojoon said we’re doing pastels.”

“But I don’t do color, Xero’s entire aesthetic is supposed to be as black and tortured as her soul--”

Hojoon chooses that moment to re enter the dressing room, taking in the chaos with a furrowed brow. He takes a deep breath before beckoning Yoonchul over from where he’d been painfully attempting to lace Kidoh’s corset for her, Ikje laughing at the carnage until Yoonchul leaves and he is forced to take up the torch.

“First things first, you’re going to learn about the existence of the color wheel today Xero,” Hojoon points at Jiho, ignoring the way that he pouts “Next order of business, you all need to get to Hyuntae in the next hour to get stuffed into these catsuits or I will kill everyone. Clear?”

There’s a round of silence that greets Hojoon, and he thinks it’s blissful.

“Also, who has a hot boyfriend? We need one more boy to walk with Sehyuk since Andy dropped out,” Hojoon looks down at his checklist before looking up and straight at Dongsung until he pulls out his phone, holding it slightly away from his unset makeup. _Are you saying I’m not hot?_ comes from the corner as Ikje and Hyosang begin bickering, but Hojoon decides that it doesn’t really matter because Ikje doesn’t really have the necessary cum gutters for the job.

“Sangdo? Yes I am in full high whore drag right now and Hojoon needs you to look hot and walk down a runway,” Dongsung hums into the phone, attempting to step into his stilettos at the same time with not small amount of difficulty. “I’ll leave my good nails on next time we do it? Alright, see you in half an hour.”

“Bjoo is too busy being a beautiful lady right now or I would volunteer Byungjoo,” Hansol throws out, and Byungjoo puffs out his chest, the effect only slightly ruined by the stuffed rice bags sticking out of his bustier. Hojoon surveys the rest of the damage, and hopes that there’s enough art school graduates in the audience that whatever gets inevitably fucked up will be taken as performance art.

“Just make it happen,” Hojoon puts his face in his hands as Yoonchul tells him that _Seogoong is going to be late, we have to make sure not to give her wig away to anyone or she'll drop her face and it'll be all man Hyunho who will eat me_ and screeches from Sanggyun that _No fair if she isn’t here then I should get to have it_.

“On second thought, make me a drink too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe you made it through that but thank you for reading! All of anything is appreciated!


End file.
